I've always wondered...

                                                  ...do they actually mean what they say?

You know that stereotypically breakup conversation. " I think we need to take a break " meaning that its completely over. But I mean it has been interpreted like over history for a long time. I just wonder if someone is alike me and actually means taking a break and than continuing? You don't see me taking a break on my math (I am on break right now) and not ever doing it? I have to get back to it, its important that I do.

I just wonder if the wording is in truth or just something to put the person down easier? It's easier to be given false hope then give someone some hope. Like I was doing math but cannot concentrate at all anymore, and I was "in the game". Now I am having a fight inside my heart, you know that really horrible feeling? You just know you love them and its not one of those feelings that will go away.

I truly love this girl and I will always unconditionally love her for her and love noone else. I mean, honestly is there really hope for us? Or is it all falsified? I am patient guy and I don't mind waiting, but I don't want to be falsely told information. I will wait, even if I die waiting, I will wait.

You know how you can walk around at school and see the type of sex that you think look good (for me its the opposite sex; females) and your like, "oh god shes got a nice butt" and "oh baby her lips". People don't believe I am truly in love because of my age but in honesty, when I see other females that I saw in the past that had specific good features (in the past like I said). I see them as just people, like how you treat the same sex, just casual conversation and just there to be there to just be a friend and not have that girl as a backup?

Well with this girl it was different, when I look at other women, all that gets caught in my head is my now ex girlfriend and i just cannot surcome to thoughts that I have had previously and even when I was dating other people I still did it but here, with this girl, I cannot imagine anyone else has better eyes, better lips, better everything than her. Imperfections we look past them, we do don't we? I honestly don't see those things and its great to be able to want her and not have stupid thoughts pop in your thoughts.When I see other girls all I can picture is how happy Vanessa makes me and all of her beauty. I wish that I could describe this but I can't and her love is so rewarding.

I truly mean it, I will wait. I unconditionally love you and if I have to wait till were 70 or 80 I will. I don't know what is on your mind when you said what you said, but I hope that your wording was intentionally truthful because you have given me hope that I have not lost you to someone else in the present or possible near future. Loving someone is looking past yourself to see them happy themselves. I am sorry, but I will never move on and I will NEVER be able too.

My heart feels like its breaking more than ever and I just cannot concentrate on anything but thinking of her and I just wish that I could fix my mistakes......fix me.

I love you Vanessa.... and always will, no matter what happens.