I have made mistakes but..

                                Is it truly worth giving our love solely up?.....


I have made such mistakes in the past and I mean honestly what can I do? I am not the most perfect individual and its harder everyday that she doesn't talk to me. I had a feeling it was coming to be honest, and thats why the week she had been "sick" which was partially true besides the fact of always sleeping, more so avoiding me. I just wish that she had trusted me with her heart and maybe I would have trust her. I tried to explain on the phone but I cried like a little boy on the phone. I've never done that before in my life. The fear of losing her is to great and I am so, so dumb. I know I did wrong but you did too and you need to know that now.


I know that I shouldn't have gone through your web history and I am truly at fault for that.
I know I shouldn't have gotten jealous at the picture of the boy, but I am afraid of losing you.
I know the way I get mad isn't exactly the way you do but I can't change that.
I know that looking at your ipod/phone and you taking it away I shouldn't have had trust issue's from there on for that small amount of time I had the issue


But...


You need to know that:


You never truly opened up your heart to trust me and show your love.
I opened up my heart and I am truly afraid of losing the love of my life.
I will never EVER judge you, you wouldn't do it to me so why would I do it to you?
I will unconditionally love you even if you don't want to be with me.


What I was saying on the phone about not giving an effort to come wasn't me trying to really say you didn't care, just that you didn't show it to your parents. Sure we all need to respect our parents and abide by their rules but for them to truly know when somethings important to you, you have to speakup and not confirm to their rules. It's hard I know that, but sometimes some things are worth fighting for and I was hoping that maybe you would do that for me?


I show my commitment by coming to see you which not every boy would do.
I sent you flowers 6 roses to represent the months we've been together.
Not every boy wants to talk on the phone.
Not every guy is purely truthful to their girlfriend.


I am not perfect but I hope that I am enough in your eyes. I try ever so hard to make sure that I will never lose you and even when you said your afraid of losing me well....I am even more afraid of losing you then you know. I have never been afraid, and ive never been afraid of losing something this much.  


-I wish that I didn't have the issue's I had. 
-I wish I didn't have the imperfections you see (when I get mad) 
-I wish that you would just take me as me. 


Trust me, show your emotions, express them. You cannot stay strong with me, because I cant stay strong like that towards you and its completely unfair. I understand it takes time but you haven't even given me a chance to truly hold your heart in my hands. That is truly unfair and I want that chance. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to talk about your life problems. 


Remember all of this is minuscule compared to the great times we've had and this is just small road bumps on a road that will go away if we just work on it and talk about it but honestly. 



I am sorry, and this is proof of it you said that I didn't remember the things that you say to me but read my blogs that should prove to you how much I pay attention and how much you mean. 


But you need to know that we are in love.............


......and lastly....I just..... want you in my life. <3
                        <3 Vanessa <3