...........Love that jump inside you that happens?
When something that has happened can never be fixed and for example a loved one or family member passes away and you see a message you think they sent you that you never read and it turns out it was an old message? I went into my email to see that it was my ex girlfriend name says "Hey you! :) <3<3" But it was my message to her on the day we started dating, I got that happy fun feeling from getting the happy sense of thinking she'd actually message me and you know what that really sucks. I wish she messaged me but everytime I try she just ignores me like we were nothing at all. I know we had something, and I know I loved her but I would like to know that atleast maybe I meant more to her then what I found out I didnt mean as much? I mean that saying "lets be friends" then they never talk to you? Like thats one of the most stereotypical immature things to do! My old old ex girlfriend and I brokeup and I talk to her everyday, we are just plain out friends but we've become stronger as friends after dating (it was like a month but asides the point). If my friend and I could do that in the past, why cannot my ex girlfriend?
I love her severely to death, and just the thought of her just hating me makes me sad and I really wish she'd message me back or call me and see how im doing. I love being wanted, like any other human being. Doesn't matter whether im guy or a girl, we are want it and all love it, but I never got as much as I gave, back to me. I love the girl so much and she just pushes me off like nothing and completely blocks communication with me. Who can honestly do that? I really wonder sometimes, and it just boggles my mind how people can do that to someone that really deeply loves them. I know that I did that to my father which of course this is two types of love, but now I realize how hurt he was, when someone you unconditionally love pushes you away it truly hurts and Vanessa pushing me away hurts more then I can imagine. I try to hide my pain everyday, but no matter what is brought up I always think of her. You think it'd be normal to completely forget, but I can never forget and that is what is truly scarring me and hurting me very badly. I mean, I would message her but its like beating a dead horse.
I will never get a response and I don't think she would read this honestly. I love the girl, I'd marry her but I guess she didn't feel exactly as I thought and that was my mistake. Sometimes things happen for a reasons, and somethings are meant to happen as she said. I was always strong against that saying because you can make anything happen as long as your determined, yeah know? But some people like taking what I call the "easy" way out and just say everything happens for a reason. What happens when you get fired for something you didnt do? WELL everything happens for a reason! No, your going to fight it because its your god damn job and its kinda important for you to live on! I don't get the whole, " Well maybe its meant to happen, or things happen for a reason" What kind of person came up with that mumbo jumbo? It bothers me to the highest extent. I cannot just put that quote out when I think things wont work out because I am a determined person and will never just let things go.
If its important to me, you know damn well I will make it work.
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